So, yeah, I was working through some stuff yesterday, and as usual I broadcast my neuroses to the world, or at least to the eighteen people who read it.
Sometimes I think I should keep this shit to myself, but then I think that's part of the problem. In my head, and unspoken, it festers and it becomes bigger than it really is. When I write about it, I realize it's not as big and scary as I think it is. Maybe that's why I write. I'm working shit out. Should I put it out there for public consumption? I'm not sure. Some people say I write what they're thinking. If that's true, great.
I really do want to live a more positive life. Some days are wonderful and the stars are in alignment. Other days, I'm a rocket about to go off. We're all surrounded by negativity and struggle with this, I'm sure. Actually, if you're always happy and smiling, I'm suspicious of you anyway. You're either high, in denial, or struggling with something far darker and deeper than I am. My shit is right up front. No offense.
Something I realized last night when I worked with a pretty positive group of people, was that I was also more positive. I was lighter. I was the true me.
As I had earlier conversations in the day, I became aware of how heavy I felt. How drained. Like I was being pushed down and my energy was being sucked out of me. Ah ha! Could it be as simple as the company I keep? The stuff I'm absorbing? What a concept!
I just deleted two paragraphs that were right here. I decided maybe I'd keep those thoughts to myself. After all, you aren't interested in every minute of my journey. You've got your own. I'll report back if I learn anything significant.
So long, for now!