I realized today that it's been over a month since I've written anything here. I've been on a whirlwind writing binge trying to finish the second revision of my novel, Postcards from the Desert, which I'm hoping to have released by the fall.
Lately I have been crazy busy and the busier I am with life in general, the more time I want to spend writing. It seems like likely I've been stealing moments here and there so I can sit down and work out a scene or revise some dialogue. Of course in all of this, I'm having the time of my life.
Friday, May 4, 2012
Friday, March 30, 2012
Instant Information- Is it a Good Thing?
We live in the electronic age. We are bombarded with information nearly every moment we're awake. News comes at us in 24 hour cycles. Twitter gives us news instantly and as its happening. Facebook tells us what's going on with our friends or anyone we're subscribed to. Television, radio, websites, email, blogs, all are there to feed our hungry eyes and minds, but when is enough enough?
Most of the news we receive isn't the uplifting kind. Sure, there's the occasional story about a soldier coming home and surprising his child. Or the dog who saves his owner's life. These are uplifting, but they come all too rarely. More often the stories are like that of Trayvon Martin, an unarmed kid in Florida who is gunned down by neighborhood watch volunteer. Or there's the story where Evangelist, Pat Robertson said homosexuality is a form of demonic possession. Then there's the story of a snow plow driver and his wife who kidnapped, beat, strangled and killed a woman basically because they were bored.
After having an argument on Facebook with one of my "friends" about the Pat Robertson article and whether homosexuality is wrong and I need to repent, I decided I'd had enough. I had reached my breaking point and could not process any more bad news. I had to step away from the computer and smart phone.
Also in the news this week, there was a story of a Jet Blue Captain who began babbling things that scared his fellow crewmen and passengers aboard a flight to Las Vegas. The co-pilot had to lock him out of the cockpit while several passengers pinned him down until the flight made an emergency landing. He was apparently having a meltdown. He kept saying over and over, "things just don't matter."
My question is this: Do any of us have any idea how close we are to such a melt down? Its hard to watch all the media feeds us and wonder, what's the point? Is there any hope for mankind at all? Does anything matter?
Its an election year so each side paints a more dire picture of the other side and we start believing the other guy is going to make it worse for us. The economy sucks, but it's getting better. No, it's getting worse. Gas prices are up, no, they're down. Unemployment is down, but more layoffs are coming. By November, we are polarized and paralyzed and just want the negativity to stop, so we walk into the voting booth and lay our token down on the roulette wheel. Is it going to get better or worse?
November is several months away. Maybe the only way we get there in one piece is by putting away all the information overload, and spending time each day processing the beauty of the world right at our fingertips. The blooming flowers. The taste of the enchiladas a loved one made for dinner. The words on the page of your favorite novel. The moving images on the thirty foot screen.
The world will still be there blowing itself up when we're finished, but at least for a few hours each day, we can take a break from the insanity.
Now I can honestly say I completely understand those people who give up everything and move to the mountains, desert, beach, etc.... If nuclear war comes, at least there will be a gorgeous sunset before the lights go out.
I apologize if this entry seems too negative or fatalistic, but its because I do think things matter and we do deserve better, that I write it. If I didn't I'd be too drunk to write anything.
Most of the news we receive isn't the uplifting kind. Sure, there's the occasional story about a soldier coming home and surprising his child. Or the dog who saves his owner's life. These are uplifting, but they come all too rarely. More often the stories are like that of Trayvon Martin, an unarmed kid in Florida who is gunned down by neighborhood watch volunteer. Or there's the story where Evangelist, Pat Robertson said homosexuality is a form of demonic possession. Then there's the story of a snow plow driver and his wife who kidnapped, beat, strangled and killed a woman basically because they were bored.
After having an argument on Facebook with one of my "friends" about the Pat Robertson article and whether homosexuality is wrong and I need to repent, I decided I'd had enough. I had reached my breaking point and could not process any more bad news. I had to step away from the computer and smart phone.
Also in the news this week, there was a story of a Jet Blue Captain who began babbling things that scared his fellow crewmen and passengers aboard a flight to Las Vegas. The co-pilot had to lock him out of the cockpit while several passengers pinned him down until the flight made an emergency landing. He was apparently having a meltdown. He kept saying over and over, "things just don't matter."
My question is this: Do any of us have any idea how close we are to such a melt down? Its hard to watch all the media feeds us and wonder, what's the point? Is there any hope for mankind at all? Does anything matter?
Its an election year so each side paints a more dire picture of the other side and we start believing the other guy is going to make it worse for us. The economy sucks, but it's getting better. No, it's getting worse. Gas prices are up, no, they're down. Unemployment is down, but more layoffs are coming. By November, we are polarized and paralyzed and just want the negativity to stop, so we walk into the voting booth and lay our token down on the roulette wheel. Is it going to get better or worse?
November is several months away. Maybe the only way we get there in one piece is by putting away all the information overload, and spending time each day processing the beauty of the world right at our fingertips. The blooming flowers. The taste of the enchiladas a loved one made for dinner. The words on the page of your favorite novel. The moving images on the thirty foot screen.
The world will still be there blowing itself up when we're finished, but at least for a few hours each day, we can take a break from the insanity.
Now I can honestly say I completely understand those people who give up everything and move to the mountains, desert, beach, etc.... If nuclear war comes, at least there will be a gorgeous sunset before the lights go out.
I apologize if this entry seems too negative or fatalistic, but its because I do think things matter and we do deserve better, that I write it. If I didn't I'd be too drunk to write anything.
Thursday, March 22, 2012
When Will You Speak Up?
I usually try to avoid political or religious arguments. Mostly I find them to be unproductive. We all pretty much know what we believe. Someone shouting at us from another belief system isn't going to change that. Neither will our shouting do much to convince them.
Every now and then I do have to speak up though, and it usually gets me in trouble, but its usually worth it.
The hot topic these days, although I still don't understand why, is that child star, Kirk Cameron gave an interview where he blames homosexuality on the decline of civilization. I can think of a lot of reasons for the decline, but homosexuality isn't anywhere on the list. So, he said it and we should have all shaken our heads and moved on. After all, what power does he have? The real people we should be worried about is the GOP candidates running for the office of the Presidency. They, especially Rick Santorum, scare the hell out of me.
When I say they scare me, I don't mean like George Bush scared me. It was an uncomfortable eight years, but I didn't fear for my life. People like Rick Santorum take their public pulpit and start spewing their hate speech about homosexuality and I get nervous. When did we, the homosexuals, become the divider in this country? You either love the gays or you hate them? Is that what we're about now? Is that how we choose leaders?
Forget about the Trevor Project and a few episodes about bullying on Glee. We are being bullied and told to hate ourselves by the people who want to be the leaders of this country! How can anyone with a Bible who claims to believe in Jesus think that's right?
I'm reminded of a very powerful statement that surfaced after the rise of Nazi power in Germany.
"First they came for the communists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew.
Then they came for me
and there was no one left to speak out for me."
~Martin Niemöller
Every now and then I do have to speak up though, and it usually gets me in trouble, but its usually worth it.
The hot topic these days, although I still don't understand why, is that child star, Kirk Cameron gave an interview where he blames homosexuality on the decline of civilization. I can think of a lot of reasons for the decline, but homosexuality isn't anywhere on the list. So, he said it and we should have all shaken our heads and moved on. After all, what power does he have? The real people we should be worried about is the GOP candidates running for the office of the Presidency. They, especially Rick Santorum, scare the hell out of me.
When I say they scare me, I don't mean like George Bush scared me. It was an uncomfortable eight years, but I didn't fear for my life. People like Rick Santorum take their public pulpit and start spewing their hate speech about homosexuality and I get nervous. When did we, the homosexuals, become the divider in this country? You either love the gays or you hate them? Is that what we're about now? Is that how we choose leaders?
Forget about the Trevor Project and a few episodes about bullying on Glee. We are being bullied and told to hate ourselves by the people who want to be the leaders of this country! How can anyone with a Bible who claims to believe in Jesus think that's right?
I'm reminded of a very powerful statement that surfaced after the rise of Nazi power in Germany.
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a communist.
Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a trade unionist.
Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a Jew.
Then they came for me
and there was no one left to speak out for me."
~Martin Niemöller
When do we speak up? When they take away women's health choices? When being gay is illegal again? When the Bible becomes the new Constitution? Where will the Jews be then? The Catholics? The Muslims? The religious freedom the country was built on? What will it take to put an end to the people of this country blindly following the false prophets who tell us they'll lower gas prices and give us all jobs. They will say anything to get elected. Will you stone your neighborhood fags and whores if it will help?
Do I get pissed when political figures spout their hatred towards me and people I love? Hell yes I do! Am I going to be polite while you throw your Book of Leviticus at me? No. I'm done being polite. I'm done trying to be the better person. I'm ready to fight. I have to be, because I'm fighting for my life.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
We Change the World With Our Words
Art changes us. Whether that art is in the form of a painting, a sculpture, on film, or the written word, it changes who we are, how we think of ourselves, and how we think about the world around us. Art comes in many forms in addition to the ones we most accept as art. It's a novel. It's a film. A play. A performance. Sometimes even a television show.
I have always had an affinity for a well written television show. When the words are genuine, the acting is real, and the finished piece of film captures the attention of millions and has the power to influence our world. Sometimes the actors and writers win awards, advancing their careers, or expanding their audience, but we can never really know how a particular scene, episode, or even word changed someone's life.
In 1987 there was a hit television show called Cagney and Lacey, starring two tough female detectives. It was a typical cop show of the time, but delved a bit more into the character's lives from time to time. One such time, the show decided to explore the drinking problem of Christine Cagney, played by Sharon Gless. The episodes and the performance won Gless an Emmy. I wonder how many people also saw themselves and got sober after that. I did. I went to my first AA meeting not long after and I believe that saved my life.
Recently, the tv show, Glee, tackled a topic all too familiar these days. Gay teenagers committing suicide because of bullying. Unfortunately this is also familiar territory for me. I was seventeen and also coming to terms with being gay when I tried to kill myself. Fortunately, I did not succeed. I kept quiet about this for most of my adult life until the past year with the rash of suicide attempts in the news. I am proof that it does get better. You've got to hang in there and keep going, but it does get better.
I watched the Glee episode and while it was very well written and acted, it made me angry. It made me angry at the bullies people have to face everyday. Not just as teenagers, but even as adults. Bullies are as prevalent in the workplace and political arena as they are on the playground and it's never okay.
While the episode of Glee was difficult to watch, I applaud them for doing it. If that popular television show can save one life, it's done it's job.
Recently I was asked why I write. I write because I enjoy it, but I also hope that in some small way I can change the world, or at least make someone's day or life better because I had an idea and put the words on paper.
I have always had an affinity for a well written television show. When the words are genuine, the acting is real, and the finished piece of film captures the attention of millions and has the power to influence our world. Sometimes the actors and writers win awards, advancing their careers, or expanding their audience, but we can never really know how a particular scene, episode, or even word changed someone's life.
In 1987 there was a hit television show called Cagney and Lacey, starring two tough female detectives. It was a typical cop show of the time, but delved a bit more into the character's lives from time to time. One such time, the show decided to explore the drinking problem of Christine Cagney, played by Sharon Gless. The episodes and the performance won Gless an Emmy. I wonder how many people also saw themselves and got sober after that. I did. I went to my first AA meeting not long after and I believe that saved my life.
Recently, the tv show, Glee, tackled a topic all too familiar these days. Gay teenagers committing suicide because of bullying. Unfortunately this is also familiar territory for me. I was seventeen and also coming to terms with being gay when I tried to kill myself. Fortunately, I did not succeed. I kept quiet about this for most of my adult life until the past year with the rash of suicide attempts in the news. I am proof that it does get better. You've got to hang in there and keep going, but it does get better.
I watched the Glee episode and while it was very well written and acted, it made me angry. It made me angry at the bullies people have to face everyday. Not just as teenagers, but even as adults. Bullies are as prevalent in the workplace and political arena as they are on the playground and it's never okay.
While the episode of Glee was difficult to watch, I applaud them for doing it. If that popular television show can save one life, it's done it's job.
Recently I was asked why I write. I write because I enjoy it, but I also hope that in some small way I can change the world, or at least make someone's day or life better because I had an idea and put the words on paper.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Friends Are the People Who Really Know Us
- Anais Nin
I think I was seventeen years old when someone told me that you're lucky in this life if you can count the number of true friends on one hand. I must be very lucky, because at this point in my life, I'm also counting on the other hand.
When I was a kid I didn't seem to have any trouble making friends, but the superficial friendships were never good enough for me. I wanted depth, even at an early age. For the longest time I thought it was something wrong in me. I was too needy, or something like that. I was probably difficult to take. No one knows what to do with this thirteen year old who wants to reveal his soul. There are still who don't know what to do with a forty seven year old doing the same thing. That's just me. If I can't be who am I with a friend, what's the point? If we have to pretend, then I might as well be pretending with characters on a stage or those revealing themselves to me as my fingers clack out the words on the keyboard.
I'm not saying that I'm not capable of a superficial conversation at the bar or at an evening of theatre, but those are not sustainable to me. Basically I'm an introvert. Those conversations and interactions require a huge amount of energy from me. The conversations and interactions that fill me up and renew that energy are the one on ones or the small group conversations about the meaning of life, the existence of God, the stuff we're all searching for. Those interactions empower me.
As I recently moved, I came across some things from the past that have been hidden away in a box somewhere. One of those things was an award I won in college for a writing contest. I won first place in an English writing contest my professor entered for me. I had no idea I was even a candidate. Afterwards the professor told me he was so moved by my research paper on male friendships, he had to enter it. The title of the paper was Bonding: The Barriers to Male Intimacy. It was all about how men are programmed at an early age that friendships with each other are about doing, not being. Women can sit around and just "be" with each other, but that was not acceptable for men. Men had to be "doing." Playing sports. Drinking beer. Something we consider masculine. My research went on to show that as men age and are less able to "do", those friendships often disappeared. One study showed this to be the cause of a shorter life span for men than women.
I'm happy to report that while I have only a few close male friends, those friendships are very important to me and don't seem to be based solely on the "doing" idea. I can be myself with those men and know I'm not judged and I'm loved because of who I am. As are they.
Friendships with women have always come easier to me and I'm extremely grateful to those women who I call friends. A few I've only met in the past few years and are in my writing group, but the bond was quickly formed.
As I reflect on my friendships today, it's interesting to note that my first novel, Postcards from the Desert, that I'm finishing revisions on, is basically about finding oneself based on who we find to be our friends. It's that theme that powers my writing.
Sunday, February 12, 2012
The Price of Fame
Fame always brings loneliness. Success is as ice cold and lonely as the North Pole.
~Vicki Baum, Grand Hotel
I'm sure this blog will be one of thousands written today citing the death of singer, Whitney Houston yesterday. While it is not my intention to make this entry about Ms. Houston or to speculate on the cause of her death, it does serve as a jumping off point to ask the question, "What is the price of fame?"
This week in a writing class I'm taking, the question was raised, "Why do we write?" Are we looking to get rich? Famous? Or is it something we feel compelled to do? For me, I began writing as a way to entertain myself. Some kids told stories; I told mine on paper. Now I write because something is missing in me when I don't. I know I've read or seen interviews with famous actors and actresses who say they act because they don't know how to do anything else. That's probably true as they see it, but I'm willing to bet there's another talent lying in there somewhere. They just haven't shared that with the world. It's their own, and it's not part of their "brand."
Today, when we treat everything and everyone as a commodity, people feel the pressure to "brand" themselves. This brand is the image they present to the world. Every choice they make has to support that brand. This is why you'll never see a photo of Meryl Streep cleaning a toilet. Great actresses don't clean toilets, or so we're told. If a photo leaked out of Ms. Streep cleaning the commode, you can bet a publicist would quickly put out a press release stating that she was researching a role.
The main problem with branding is when the celebrities start believing in their own brands or allowing themselves to be trapped by it. Was Whitney Houston just a singer? No, she was also a woman, a mother, a daughter. When the voice starts to fade as some do with age, does she become irrelevant? The press, and the recording industry will tell you yes. I hate that word, relevant or irrelevant. Who are any of us to say whether someone is relevant, but I digress.
As a celebrity who has enjoyed all the advantages of fame, like Ms. Houston, hears these things, the pressure builds to stay on top in an industry where no one can stay on top forever. You're living under a microscope and there is always someone younger or more talented ready to take your place. She becomes a victim of her own brand, "superstar" when maybe all she ever wanted was to sing.
Many people follow their dreams and it never leads them to fame, but yet their dreams get fulfilled. There are thousands of character actors out there who are making a living at what they love, yet you can't think of their names when you see them and the paparazzi aren't camped out in front of their house dissecting their every move. Are they happy? Probably. There are writers who make a good living writing and you might not know them if you tripped over them on the street. Are they any less happy because of it?
There are so many ways of becoming famous today. With the flood of reality shows, ordinary (and sometimes idiotic) people can become famous. Cameras following you everywhere and publicists deciding if you're still relevant. Does that mean you're living your dream? Only if your dream is just to be famous.
Fame has it's perks, no one will deny that, but in the end, fame is like a drug. You can never get enough and a little bit can be enough to kill you.
As the world mourns Whitney Houston and the talent she shared with us, I hope she has found peace at last. I hope she realizes the truth behind the lyrics to one of her songs.
"Learning to love yourself, is the greatest love of all."
Today, when we treat everything and everyone as a commodity, people feel the pressure to "brand" themselves. This brand is the image they present to the world. Every choice they make has to support that brand. This is why you'll never see a photo of Meryl Streep cleaning a toilet. Great actresses don't clean toilets, or so we're told. If a photo leaked out of Ms. Streep cleaning the commode, you can bet a publicist would quickly put out a press release stating that she was researching a role.
The main problem with branding is when the celebrities start believing in their own brands or allowing themselves to be trapped by it. Was Whitney Houston just a singer? No, she was also a woman, a mother, a daughter. When the voice starts to fade as some do with age, does she become irrelevant? The press, and the recording industry will tell you yes. I hate that word, relevant or irrelevant. Who are any of us to say whether someone is relevant, but I digress.
As a celebrity who has enjoyed all the advantages of fame, like Ms. Houston, hears these things, the pressure builds to stay on top in an industry where no one can stay on top forever. You're living under a microscope and there is always someone younger or more talented ready to take your place. She becomes a victim of her own brand, "superstar" when maybe all she ever wanted was to sing.
Many people follow their dreams and it never leads them to fame, but yet their dreams get fulfilled. There are thousands of character actors out there who are making a living at what they love, yet you can't think of their names when you see them and the paparazzi aren't camped out in front of their house dissecting their every move. Are they happy? Probably. There are writers who make a good living writing and you might not know them if you tripped over them on the street. Are they any less happy because of it?
There are so many ways of becoming famous today. With the flood of reality shows, ordinary (and sometimes idiotic) people can become famous. Cameras following you everywhere and publicists deciding if you're still relevant. Does that mean you're living your dream? Only if your dream is just to be famous.
Fame has it's perks, no one will deny that, but in the end, fame is like a drug. You can never get enough and a little bit can be enough to kill you.
As the world mourns Whitney Houston and the talent she shared with us, I hope she has found peace at last. I hope she realizes the truth behind the lyrics to one of her songs.
"Learning to love yourself, is the greatest love of all."
Saturday, February 4, 2012
The Roles We Play
We all have them. Roles we have to play as we go through life. Some roles we enjoy, others not so much. We are sons, daughters, sisters, brothers, mothers, fathers, bosses, coworkers, the new guy, the veteran, the bitch, and the asshole. The list goes on and on. At various stages of our lives we have to perform in roles we don't like so much. We have to be the strict parent when a child is in trouble. We have to be the boss that cracks the whip when chaos reigns. We have to be the adult child taking care of an ailing parent. If we define ourselves by our roles, we're always in a state of flux.
I often joke at work, where the title, "vice president" gets tossed around like a Cub Scout badge, that in a perfect world my title would be Vice President of All that is Good and Happy. Honestly, I don't want to deal with the other stuff. The negativity surrounds us most times and I want to be an island of calm and tranquility. Like I said, in a perfect world.
As I slip in and out of the roles I play, who I am doesn't change. At heart I'm still the same person. I cry watching sad commercials and Golden Girls. I love cleaning house to ABBA blaring through iPod speakers. I hate injustice. I have little respect for authority, and I can spend hours alone in a room with a book or a keyboard under my fingers. That's me before the labels and roles get added on and hopefully that's still me as I'm playing the roles.
As we travel though life and come up against the other humans on the path, don't define them by their roles. Try to look past them and see the human underneath. The cop who just gave you a ticket for driving too fast might also be the "cookie dad" for his daughter's Kindergarten class. The bitch who cut you off on the highway might have been rushing home to care for her father with Alzheimer's. The guy cleaning the toilets may hold a Masters in Business Administration.
Break out of the boxes people, including ourselves, want to put us in. We are much more than that.
As I slip in and out of the roles I play, who I am doesn't change. At heart I'm still the same person. I cry watching sad commercials and Golden Girls. I love cleaning house to ABBA blaring through iPod speakers. I hate injustice. I have little respect for authority, and I can spend hours alone in a room with a book or a keyboard under my fingers. That's me before the labels and roles get added on and hopefully that's still me as I'm playing the roles.
As we travel though life and come up against the other humans on the path, don't define them by their roles. Try to look past them and see the human underneath. The cop who just gave you a ticket for driving too fast might also be the "cookie dad" for his daughter's Kindergarten class. The bitch who cut you off on the highway might have been rushing home to care for her father with Alzheimer's. The guy cleaning the toilets may hold a Masters in Business Administration.
Break out of the boxes people, including ourselves, want to put us in. We are much more than that.
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